Wednesday, January 28, 2015

My Dream Diary # 1 & the Toilet Incidents

I have a special talent - that is the ability to memorize almost all my dreams in minute details. Both Frank and C have been encouraging me to start a new category in my blog to jot down my very wild, crazy, silly, dramatic, boring, random dreams. I thought it could be a fun idea and bring many of you (and myself, when I look back) some necessary laughs.

So I'm going to start with one of my most recent dreams :
(my dreams never make sense so please don't try to use logic to connect the dots or understand the what and whys.)

I dreamed that my dad was at a boxing match. Mind you, my dad is those typical Chinese middle aged man with a big belly whose sole exercise is, ummm, moving his chopsticks. So he was at a boxing match competing with some man with a blurred face I don't know in real life. AND my dad got hit and he was choking on the ground. He was choking so badly and running out of breathes ! I shouted to my mom who was standing on the other end of the ring to call the ambulance. But for some reason she refused !!! And for some reason she was the only one who could contact the ambulance. I was crying, pleading, and screaming to my mom while my dad was choking on the ground. My mom still refused to call and I shouted, "I hate you !!! Why don't you call the ambulance ! I hate you !!!" to her while crying hysterically. I still had tears around my eyes when I woke up from this nightmare.

I wonder if this dream was induced by the recent scoldings I got from my mom because I managed to first broke the first floor toilet into pieces then clogged the second floor one with hair. FML. Actually Fuck Frank's life because he was the one who had to fix both. THANK YOU LOVEEEEE. This is an entire new story, which maybe I'll illustrate soon. So yes, I think I had that dream because mom got so mad at me for reasons above. I never really dare to talk back to her with an attitude in real life *coward so I had to dream it in a much more dramatic form - her trying to kill dad - to let out my anger more exaggeratedly hahahaha

So now totally irrelevant to my very first dream diary , I'm going to digress and talk about my toilets. My guest toilet on the first floor had always had this weak flushing problem. Guests who were new to the house would use the washroom, then flush, and realized in TERRIFYING HORROR that their shit only made some twists and turns but never made it down the tunnel. So horrified guests had to stay in the washroom in nervous awkwardness waiting for the toilet water to refill so they can flush again, praying other guests or I won't think their shit is too big that one flush can't do. HAHAHA  Then they would walk out pretending nothing happened but I always knewwwwww they experienced some sort of emotional trauma in there. Anyway, so Frank decided to help fix the problem. Frank, being the smart and handsome (need to suck up to this man for reasons below) engineer as he is, fixes everything around my house, from Jacuzzi, dishwasher, heater, fireplace, to computers, phones, cars, and smaller stuff like my necklaces.

The day of the incident, he was in the washroom analyzing the toilet and handed me an important task - I had to hold on to the cover/lid of the toilet's water tank *salutes. I held it for  a minute obediently then became restless like an annoying kid. So I very conveniently placed it on the sink without much thought. The sink was curved in shape and slippery in texture. Then I don't know what kind of demon possessed me, I decided to play hide and seek with coco. I heard coco's tiny footsteps pawsteps coming closer to look for me, so I hid into the tiny space by the sink. That's right, that's when I accidentally nudged the porcelain lid. Everything happened in slow motion afterwards : the lid began to slip to the side like it was on ice. I reacted at that very moment and felt my fingers grabbed on to it. I got it !!! At the same time, I also saw Frank's hand reaching from the bottom. "We got this !", I thought, "Everything is awesome !!! Everything's cool when you're part of the team !" *sings Lego song. I relaxed a bit and let out an embarrassed but relieved laugh at Frank.

within less than a second,

the lid somehow escaped our hands and crushed into the toilet bowl, then bounced onto the floor and broke into a billion pieces, along with my fearful heart. Frank's emotionless face remained emotionless but I knew his mind was going WTTTTFFFFF IS WRONG WITH THIS WOMANNNNNN. YOU HAD ONE JOB.

He then turned to look at me with his usual #facepalm face without the #facepalm action. Usually when something like this happens, I'll immediately go hide behind a door and look at him with one timid eye appearing fearfully from the door, and pretend to shiver. This whole pretentious drama will normally make him laugh and I'll escape a scolding. But this time this incident shocked me to a point that I forgot to play my thing. I was so stunned I just stood there and laughed awkwardly. Frank, after his initial shock, told me gently that it's okay, we just need to replace the lid, and went back to fixing the toilet. And I learned to stay away.


as he tested the flush, water splashed out from the side of the bowl. Apparently, the lid broke the toilet bowl too during the fall ...... The entire right side of the bowl is broken. Frank called me in to explain the situation in a very calm voice, while I stared at the site with horror. The reassuring statement, "It's okay, we just need to replace the lid." flashed before my eyes then cracked and tumbled onto the ground like the toilet's pure white porcelain. "It's okay, we just need to replace the entire toilet.", he said, with the same monotone. I could no longer tell whether he was still calm or has given up on life (with me).

He checked online and said that replacing the whole thing seems easy enough ! And decided to remove the old toilet and replace it with a new one all by himself ! *looks at him with awe. So we went straight to shop for a new toilet and replace the old one with a new one, then tried to dispose the old one ! TADA ! And it was all done within two hours ! Is he good or is he good :D I looked so guilty the entire time and kept giving him the " I'm sorry I am dumb" look . He comforted me saying, "it's alright, shit happens."

Little did he know when he said that, shit literally happened just a couple days after ...

...when I clogged the upstairs washroom with my hair.

Being the most macho man in the world (still sucking up to him), he unclogged MY toilet all by himself while asking me to stay away and not to look *stares at him with awe

I need to add to my previous You Know You Are in a Right Relationship When... post :

You know you are in a right relationship when your man is willing to deal with your shit, literally.

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