Sunday, November 2, 2014

So What About The Gold-Digger Diggers

We are all very familiar with the term gold-digger. The society talks about it, there are TV shows focusing on it, and heck, we might even be acquainted with a few. It is, of course, not a reputable name. But we have become so biased with that stereotype that when we see a young pretty lady dating an old wealthy man, we'll too quickly assume she's a gold-digger. Very often too, we ask the question, "is he rich ?", when we see a beauty-and-the-beast combo. Okay, maybe I shouldn't generalize by using "we", but, sometimes, I am certainly guilty as charged. 

I know this presumption is unfair. I know there surely are exceptions. But actual gold-diggers are becoming so wide-spread, especially in recent years, that people do start to coin that term left and right. Again, I know it's unfair. It is unfair. I mean, how come people rarely talk about the other end of the spectrum ? What about those men ? They never seem to get as much blame. Are they really all just innocent victims that fall into the well-plotted plans of cunning gold-diggers ? I wouldn't make a generalization on this one too.

So let's see things from a new perspective now. Let's talk about the men, those wealthy successful men that attract gold-diggers. 

Note: I'm only writing based on my personal experience and am certainly not categorizing all men/women to any group. And for my own convenience, I'm going to call these guys the Gold-Digger Diggers (GDD)  

I am certain that most rich men do not want to attract gold-diggers. I also believe most smart men do have the brain to spot and avoid women who are after them merely for monetary reasons. Nonetheless, while the negative spotlight often focus on women, we tend to neglect the fact that there are men who are allowing or even creating this superficial relationship. I have no doubt that some rich guys know very well they are dating gold-diggers, but still gladly offer whatever is asked of them. Some of them even bluntly seek for or lure gold-diggers. Some turn women into gold-diggers.

So, I guess there are different types of GDDs too :

1) Those who have low self-esteem. This particular type, although wealthy (regardless of whether self-made or ready-made), is very diffident about other aspects of himself. So he flashes his cash loaf as a way to make up whatever he thinks he lacks. And he attracts women that way, which further fills the hollowness. Trust me, this can be addictive - just like using alcohol to temporarily cure emotional pain, the core problem never goes away. Hence this cycle goes on. Eventually, he turns into a GDD, purposely showing off his affluence as his only mean to get women and feel better about himself. Well, if that's the only thing he thinks he can offer to his significant other, then he can't complain about attracting gold-diggers. 

2) Those who have very wrong values. This particular type usually has a big ego. I actually dated one. He was quite perfect on paper - smart, successful, top-school graduate, good looks, toned, tall, rich, powerful family, and most importantly, treated me very well. So what was the problem ? It was his values. Regardless of how hard I tried, I couldn't get over this part, I couldn't pretend it doesn't matter. Because it does, and I know it will matter a whole lot 20, 30 years down the road. He had all of those amazing qualities to offer, however, he always always only focused on his wealth and his ability to get women. I guess he also really liked me, so he was very eager to introduce me to all his abundance right away- his car, his watches, his suits, his house, his cash, and his history of rejecting women who tried to throw themselves at him. It was such a shame that those assets were what he most cared for and thought they would impress me the same. I couldn't help but greatly taken aback by his skewed values and lack of depth. But he dated endless women after me. He complained about gold-diggers, dated many, but was smart enough to marry a humble girl, then stupid enough to cheat with more gold-diggers. In retrospect, I'm glad I believed strongly in my own fundamentals and made the right choice. Did he intentionally seek for gold-diggers ? I doubt it. But what made him a GDD was his way of life, his actions, and his subconscious urge to attract women with the thing he's most proud of - his financial means.  

3) Those who have a clear mind. Well, this man knows what he wants and what he is. He only wants to date super models but he knows he's not good enough to get one unless he lets it rain. And trust me, it works wonders. He "purchases" women by showering them with cash and gifts, and in turn, women use him for a life/social upgrade. This type usually doesn't care much whether his woman is dating him for financial reasons, as long as he has the arm candy he longs for. Some might even enjoy this fair trade relationship. With a clear mutual understanding, both parties don't need to worry about emotional issues, fidelity, and don't need to put in much effort like normal couples do. The relationship will work as long as the money is there. It's another kind of security, I guess. 

While women should be prideful and independent enough to not devote herself to men only for financial security, the relationship will not be made possible without men allowing it on the other end. So next time when you are about to judge a gold-digger, don't forget to judge her man too. 

Hahaha, kidding, because most of the times, really, who are we to judge ?