Friday, May 8, 2015

Things I Look For in a Man

Things I look for in a man, in a romantic relationship, has changed drastically through the years. It's quite interesting to look back at these qualities and see how many of them no longer matter, and how many has been my priority now but didn't made the list when I was younger. 

When I was dating my first boyfriend, I didn't particularly look for anything. It was those puppy love where chemistry was the ONLY thing that matter. Then I somehow became attracted to the bad boys - especially those that fight, smoke, with tattoos, ride sports bikes, etc. The cool kind who has an emotionless face and a silent demeanor. Who's cold to everyone else but gentle and talkative only to me. Oh, so deadly, those kind. I'm especially drawn to those movie plots where a wealthy goody two-shoes / daddy's little girl falls in love with a poor uncultivated bad boy. I STILL LOVE MOVIES LIKE THIS. Let me just name a few - Grease, The Notebook, Titanic, Step Up, Dirty Dancing, and Lady and the Tramp, haha.

I fell in love with a "bad boy" in my early teenage years, and was stuck with him for the longest longest time. I guess I was also in love with the idea of myself when I was with him - I felt like being with him also made me "bad" and rebellious, which were attributes that are forbidden in my family. In the middle of our relationship, I was in my early twenties, and  I have started to consider for the future. Hence I started to reevaluate the things I look for in a man. I used to think he was so cool when he smoked until I started to really despite the smell of cigarettes. I used to love his tattoo, until I started to worry what my parents would think if they saw. I used to enjoy riding with him on his sports bike, until I started to worry for our safety. And his temper with the public, I thought it was so badass, until I started to see it as an immature inability to control his rage. Thanks to my positive upbringing, a man's wealth was always only a bonus but never a priority. But I find a man's confidence gained from his hard-earned success and ambition incredibly charming. I didn't mind him being poor at all, but he was also neither ambitious nor hardworking.

I have really outgrown all the things that used to amuse me. Then his academic progress (something I didn't care before, because bad boys shouldn't have good grades anyway) started to really frustrate me. After he entered the work force, his career plans and his attitude with life also irritated me to no end because I knew he was very smart and had the potential to do much better. Consequently,  our relationship was filled with me nagging him to improve - from changing his social circle to making his 5-year-goals. We were no longer happy with each other and the relationship ended on a bitter note. It was a shame because he treated me really well, the feelings were strong, but we grew on different wavelengths. Timing is a funny thing. He has finally picked up his pace and became a man with a successful personal and professional life, but I'm already happily in love with someone else.

I remember when me and that "someone else" first met, he asked me what kind of man do I like. So much has changed. Here were my exact words : short hair, dresses simple, clean, has good values, depth, matured, responsible for himself and those around him, not cheap/stingy,  hard working, ambitious, takes stress, pressure, and negativity well, settled, has stopped clubbing/partying all that stuff, and knows what he wants in life. I told him all of these at one shot, and little did I knew at that point, he is all of above and more :)

I forgot to mention one quality that has become extremely important to me when seeking a lifelong partner - Integrity. 

These definitions explain it well :
  • Integrity is choosing your thoughts and actions based on values rather than personal gain. 
  • Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.
  • Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.


  1. I love those movies too! Really well articulated post, I can definitely relate (especially about realizing that a man having a temper is really his immature inability to handle rage/life). Glad you upgraded your love life girl!

    1. Great sharing indeed for self-improved to become a better man with those personalties that some girls probably are looking for it! Happy Valentines Day! :)


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