Thursday, May 18, 2017

The 3 Phases of Love

I do not have an extensive experience with men, and in terms of relationships, realistically speaking, I've only had three. But I once heard someone said, there are 3 different phases or types of love, and fortunately, I think I've met them all.

First type of love I encountered was the idealistic love I portrayed with references from fairy tales and especially, Japanese manga. I almost wanted to be in a relationship only to have a first hand experience with romance. I wanted to apply all I saw and read and learned into real life scenarios. I wanted that perfect first kiss with one leg gently kicking back. I wanted to hear what promises are, how sweet words can be, and forever. I said forever without really knowing time. I wanted to watch sunrise, sunset, and take walks in the rain with him, just because these were classic movie scenes. Did the relationship feel right ? I didn't even know what was right, or wrong. I subconsciously craved for melancholy. I wanted to experience heart break, wanted to accompany that with my favorite sad love song on repeat. I almost enjoyed these novel emotions, good and bad, that welled up in me. That was my first love - I fell for the idea of love and felt all the self-constructed sentiments media taught me to feel.

The second type of love, at least for me, was an emotional roller-coaster ride - intense, passionate, extreme, and often with eyes closed. This was after I walked out from my first relationship, thinking I have grown and had more practical expectations but I didn't. This was when I thought I knew it all but made all the mistakes I now learned not to make. This love was passionate, it came and stayed like a storm.We loved too much, wanted too much, but could offer too little. We made mistakes, we fought, we hurt, we manipulated, we lied, we said things we didn't mean. Then, we forgave, we cried, we loved again. This love was a vicious dramatic cycle we thought we were moving forward but didn't realize we were only returning to point zero regardless how we tried. This love was difficult and almost like a toxic addiction. I was thrown to two extreme spectrum of emotions at all times, hence unable to give up, unable to progress, unable to end. It felt like we were trying to force two obviously unfitted puzzle pieces together using enormous strength. We wanted it to work so bad, so bad, always fighting to find a solution, to a point that we forgot the initial reason why. It started beautifully, and then we got lost along the way.

In retrospect, all of that, was only a hard journey of exploration, until one day, and finally one day, I was found.

I stumbled into the third type of love unprepared and unexpected, still raw with wounds from a failure I couldn't quite explain why. The third type of love, is like a pair of glasses finally right for my prescription, it has made clear why past mistakes happened, why the current journey is so easy, and why the future is so foreseeable. It just feels so right.

This is the love that keeps me grounded, and completes the parts of me I never knew I was missing. It's as natural as two twigs effortlessly twining together, you don't ask the rationale behind its growth. This love may not be as fiery as the previous, or as dreamy as the first. But its romance comes from the little things in life and it's these little things that matters.

This love feels like the lazy Sunday morning, when you have no where to rush to, and no plan to attend; the midnight runs to 7-11 in pajamas and messy hair in a hunt for snacks to accompany an in-bed movie; the breezy afternoon strolls on our favorite streets... This love makes happiness so simple. And the puzzle pieces just magically fall into place.

This love feels like home.

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